Bored out of my mind right now. Nothing interesting to do online, nothing on TV. Nothing productive to do exept stress over crap, read my novel and/or clean my room, and then stress out over more crap :-/.

15 days until school's out for summer. Thank God.

I thought it interesting if I started posting a famous/thought-provoking quote(by anyone) on this blog once a week. What made me come up with this idea, I don't know. Maybe I'm just looking for a reason to keep this thing going instead of letting it go and it eventually being deleted.

Anywho, this is a quote that was told to me by my history teacher at the beginning of this school year and It's stuck with me since:

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." -- George Santayana

9:44 pm

Not lookin' forward to tomorrow(Friday), mostly because tomorrow is the day we get report cards. Actually, I'm not worried about my grades at all; all average/above average. Zach however, has 2 Ds :0. Damn, why am I being forced to have to be in the same house when Dad sees Zach's report card and bitches him out about it?? This is the 2nd or 3rd time he has slacked off this year and it's getting ridiculus.

Trying to give learning to play piano another shot. I practiced for a long while this evening, trying to get caught up with everything I learned before I eventually quit alltogether last year. Hopefully I can be done with my beginner's lesson book within the next few weeks.

Tatiana Thumbutzen

I know quite a few people like and find this woman interesting because of the way she was associated with Michael Jackson in that late 1980s, particurally his fans. Why they do, I'm starting to put into question. Before I never cared much for Miss. Thumbutzen, and found her last few comments on Michael hard to describe, but now it's starting to become more clear to me that she really is nothing more than a media hound using his name for her own gain, and has been doing this for quite some time. I'll explain:

Over recent years, she has given several interviews in which she talks extensively about how she met Michael, thier working together on the "The Way You Make Me Feel" video shoot, thier personal relationship, etc. From my own observation, half of everything she has said pretaining to Michael has not been consistant, and seems to be giving different accounts of what she says happened between them. In one interview she describes a romantic relationship with one another and her love for him, and in later(more recent) interviews depicts otherwise, even implying that they didn't really date.

Her motives are still unclear. To me, what seems most likely is Miss. Thumbutzen has changed her once-positive accounts of Michael and thier relationship to those fitting better with our current media's portrayal of him to easier sell a story, that being in her autobiography titled "The Way He Made Me Feel".

Reading back on what I have wrote so far in this entry, I do find myself hoping that none my observations are factual. I hope that her words have only been manipulated with by editors and taken out of context. I hope that she doesn't have an intention to allow the media to drag Michael through the mud to promote herself. One day I'll know for sure.

Birth Control, Snooping, and Crappy Shopping Trip

The season premiere of "Hogan Knows Best" aired earlier today on VH1. I didn't want to watch it at first because it was frustrating watching Brooke going through alot of the crap she did with her parents(particurally her dad) in the last season. But I did, and I liked it and thought it had a good ending. It's been making me consider asking mom if I could start on birth control pills myself. I know she'll most likely freak out and say no. Not because she's worried about me becoming sexually active, because she knows very well that I don't intend to, but because I get the feeling she just doesn't want me taking un-needed pills/medication daily, period. That's the main reason why I'm having trouble getting up enough balls to at least ask her. Another reason is because I know dad will somehow find out about it and get his panties in a bunch over the whole thing. Are there too many reasons why it would just be a waste of time?? Maybe I should wait until I'm 17, when I would feel more comfortable talking about it. 16 to most people is still just a kid.

While still on the subject of birth control pills, I've been snooping around in Mom's stuff to see if she still has hers from before she had her hysterectomy. It's pretty likely she doesn't, but I can still make sure. While doing this, I came across a small bottle of warming personal lubricant in one of her empty purses, along with a few other questionable items. I know she hasn't used any of that shit. Probably just something Haley gave her.

Mom wanted to go to Dollar Tree today, since we weren't going out to eat this afternoon, but I realised I needed new makeup and asked if we could go to CVS instead. We did, dropping Zach off at Nie-nie's. Why is foundation makeup as expensive as it is??? Not to be cheap, but $10 - $12 for a small bottle of makeup?? Yeah, it lasts a long time for one person, but so does a good bottle of shampoo, which you can get for half that price. Kinda retarded, IMO. I didn't want Mom to spend alot of money, so I was trying to find something that I would like but not at some outragous price. Mom gets a sales paper and says there's a "buy one get one 50% off" offer for the Covergirl makeup, so I decide to get a foundation and lipgloss, but we get at the checkout counter and the cashier shows us the offer doesn't count towards those two items together. So, to make a long story short, we end up buying the foundation and lipgloss at full price. The whole fiasco could have been avoided if mom had read the damn sale paper correctly. I was so irritated I went to the magazine section when mom checked out, AND THEN she carelessly attempts to leave the store without me, putting me in an even more irritated mood.

It's probably a good thing I didn't tell her I needed a box of tampons because then we would have gone into same negotiations over which ones to buy. Now I have to wait until she next time she goes to the grocery store.

Thank everything-that-is-holy that I'm on Spring Break for the next 7 days. School was taking a little bit of a toll.

PMS, views on Michael Jackson's current life, etc.

I got my period today and I'm not happy. I should have known Thursday when I was having cravings for a "Chicken Bacon Tendercrisp Sandwich" from Burger King all day in school that I was PMSing. I'm broken out horribly and bloated. Took 2 Pamprin.

I've been trying really hard this past week to not focus on the current goings on regarding Michael Jackson. Mostly trying to avoid other fans' reactions to it, to be honest. Not that I think their opinions are just plain stupid if they're different from my own, but many, I feel, just don't get it and are a little off. I don't want to take it personally though, so I don't want to get involved in it anymore. Michael will have to deal with scrutiny on every aspect of his private life by the media until the day he finally leaves the entertainment industry. Every so often I wish he would leave it out of concern for his and his childrens' safety and well-being. I feel like I'm the only person who gives a fuck about the ongoing death threats Michael had to endure during his trial, and those threatening to take his children from him. Too many people(including fans) say such things will never happen, and I wish I could throw daggers at them because they really have no idea.

In my own opinion, there are too many people dangerously obsessed with Michael and the children for their safety to be chanced the way it is. Michael, nor they, deserve to live in the circumstances that they do now. They deserve to live a normal life. But as long as Michael remains in this god-forsaken business, putting himself on display to be judged by the media, critics, and general public, that will never happen. JMV.

Please week be over!!

Finally, I've had a chance to update!!! I feel like I worked myself into the ground today. 1st period, I had to do an aspect presentation on the book "One Fat Summer". I was only half-prepared, but I only had to talk for about 3 minutes, so I asked if I could go ahead and do mine. Normally, I wouldn't do this, but I felt I should just get it over with. I'm still kind of disappointed and embarassed over how it turned out. Before I went up, I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but I go up to the podium and freeze. Ms. Wallen asks me why Bobby's(main character) mother is always encouraging him to eat and be himself, and although my answer to her was correct, I wish I could have just said that she was "defending him" instead of "protecting". It would have made a bit more sense.

2nd period I had to drive. I would have done better had I practiced at least once eariler this week. I keep having these problems braking early at stop signs and such. It starts to get old being corrected so often. The other girl in my driving group, a junior, did alot better than I. Next week might be better, hopefully.

3rd period I had to make up a quiz. 4th period, working on a new unit in which I have homework that is not finished yet. 5th, review for a quiz. 6th, we began disecting animals. I ended up disecting a frog. All of the animals are full of these chamicals that literally smell like shit. I don't know what was making me want to pass out more, the chamicals or looking at the insides of a frog.

7th, continued working on chapter 13 worksheets that are due tomorrow.

The past few days, I haven't felt as anxious as I used to. I've only been sleeping about 5 and a half hours of sleep a night. I haven't gone to the library during my study halls. Hell, I didn't even get online this morning. I'm listening to Sarah McLachlan more and really getting into her music. I didn't realize until recently how innovative of an artist and how beautiful her voice is. I'm hoping I can soon buy one of her albums, like "Surfacing" or "Afterglow" :)

Almost bedtime. Better go.

I'm Back......again =/

I don't really have an answer as to why I decide to start updating my blog again, only to stop after a couple of months and take a long hiatus from it......and then start to miss it. Maybe I can stick to it this time, as my writing skills have improved over the past several months. It's very embarrassing looking back at my last posts before I stopped updating. I don't know why I let some of the stuff I was reading about/hearing at the time go to my head so much. Obviously I was going through a hard time emotionally. I don't know if it was just 16 year old crap or some mild form of depression or whatever. Thankfully, I'm dealing with such things better than I ever have and I hope I can continue to do that.

Normally, I'm terrible at coming out and plainly saying what's on my mind. It's extremely frustrating. But then I think that nobody will ever understand where I'm coming from anyway, so what would be the point?? I mean, I know for a fact that nobody could indentify with the things that I deal with on a daily basis. Nobody will ever understand how much I want to quit wasting so much of my emotional energy on shit that, for the most part, I know I shouldn't give a goddamn about. Maybe I should just fucking quit. Tell everyone else to fuck off and actually spend time with intelligent, supportive people in a stable, spam-controlled envirnment. Yes, I am speaking in internet terms. Seriously, why do I continue to put up with it?? It's only gotton worse, and I'm reaching the breaking point. I hope this isn't just my migrane talking because I should feel this way.

I should probably stop here. My head is killing me and I have hardly any energy to write anymore.

Love, Shiela